Quoth the Rapture: Nevermore

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BREAKING: Sources say #Rapture cancelled after an air-traffic controller in Heaven fell asleep on the job.Sun May 22 00:04:00 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Where were you on the day the world didn’t end?

It's 6:00 PM in Denver. I note a distinct lack of flying naked Christians outside. #Rapture

The above picture was taken out my window at precisely 6:00 PM Saturday, when the Rapture was scheduled to hit the Mountain Time Zone, airlifting the Saved to Heaven. As you can see, there is a distinct lack of people ascending into the sky.

Harold Camping was wrong. I know — I, too, am shocked, shocked.

Harold Camping would like to announce that the #Rapture did not fail to materialize; we’re just holding it wrong.Sat May 21 15:42:54 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

If you want to read an alternate-universe account of what would have happened Saturday if the Rapture had actually occurred, this blog is pretty excellent. I read every post, and enjoyed it thoroughly.

I also rather enjoyed Saturday’s New York Daily News front page:

gal_frontpage_0521

And I enjoyed, perhaps a bit too much, all the ridiculous Twitter humor surrounding the non-Rapture over the last few days. Like this tweet:

Would be awesome if somehow Jesus could play Rick Astley in the sky at 6:00 pm.Sat May 21 21:34:27 via TweetDeckpourmecoffee
pourmecoffee

Heh. Anyway, to memorialize this non-event for posterity, after the jump I’ve copied a bunch of tweets — mine and others’ — from Friday afternoon/evening, Saturday, and Sunday morning (picking up where my last post left off).

P.S. But first! I totally forgot to include this awesome, and apropos, Johnny Cash song in my previous post:

Okay, on with the tweets:

Pac-12 becomes nation’s undisputed premier football conference as entire SEC & much of Big XII, Big Ten ascend to Heaven. #RaptureUpsidesFri May 20 16:01:40 via webBrendan Loy
brendanloy

@jpodhoretz Apparently Obama heard about this Rapture thing, and decided to upstage God by leaving the Jews behind 2 days early.Fri May 20 15:55:58 via webDavid Burge
iowahawkblog

Phones and Internet have suddenly & inexplicably gone down at my office. AND SO IT BEGINS. #Rapture #PANICFri May 20 17:55:36 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

It’ll be awkward calling people the day after the Rapture. You don’t want to act like you assumed they’d be home. MT @ShittingtonUKFri May 20 14:35:24 via webDavid Voth
SexCigarsBooze

#Rapture RT @FashionDude: Justin Bieber launches women’s fragrance: http://sunsent.nl/mvGmyUFri May 20 18:31:52 via webBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Etiquette question: when leaving work today, is it OK to tell co-workers you’ll see them on Monday, or is that bad form? #RaptureFri May 20 19:52:39 via webBrendan Loy
brendanloy

BREAKING: @MileHighBecky bought peanut butter pretzel nuggets at Cotsco. I am now prepared to greet the #Rapture. #mmmpeanutbutterFri May 20 20:43:42 via webBrendan Loy
brendanloy

I hope @RahmEmanuel is Saved, and as he’s ascending, he’s like, “What the motherf***ing f*** is this s**t? I’m f***ing Saved?!? Me?!?!”Fri May 20 20:48:09 via webBrendan Loy
brendanloy

24 hours till the #Rapture on the East Coast. 6 hours till it starts in Kiribati. As Gandalf would say, “FLY, YOU FOOLS!”Fri May 20 21:58:48 via webBrendan Loy
brendanloy

In the event of Apocalypse tomorrow, the president’s schedule will be revised.Fri May 20 23:17:15 via webMark Knoller
markknoller

Have a good weekend, tweeps-who-only-use-Twitter-during-the-week. I’ll see you on Monday. OR MAYBE I WON’T. #raptureFri May 20 23:36:49 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

#RAPTURE RT @MarkRYoder: Plane down in Boulder near the airport. No injuries. Sky9 going to check it out. #9newsFri May 20 23:37:11 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

#Rapture RT @deseretnews: Gallup Poll: Majority of Americans support gay marriage http://ow.ly/1cMtdcFri May 20 23:37:53 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

If I were God, I’d consider changing plans and doing a trial-rapture on Saturday just to see the hilarious tweets.Fri May 20 22:50:11 via EchofonAaron Gotwalt
gotwalt

24 hours till the #Rapture in Denver! #OrUntilNothingHappensSat May 21 00:00:42 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

#Rapture RT @Alyssafarah: Public Service Announcement: Rebecca Black’s Friday has 144 MILLION hits on Youtube. We should all be ashamed.Sat May 21 00:14:21 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

#PANIC!!!!!!!!! #Rapture RT @dmataconis: You’re shitting me RT @mpoppel: BREAKING — 6.5-mag earthquake hits near the South Sandwich IslandsSat May 21 00:39:54 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

@brendanloy @dmataconis @mpoppel Verily, verily I say unto all of thee: I shit thee not. #Rapture #PANICSat May 21 04:50:07 via webAngry Rapture Jesus
MadRaptureJesus

#Rapture #Foreshock #PANIC RT @dmataconis: RT @mpoppel: The quake happened at 10.16 pm local time, on Friday, in the South Sandwich Islands.Sat May 21 00:40:18 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

You and your “facts” RT @duresport: For #Rapture debunking needs, check how many earthquakes we usually have. http://on.doi.gov/9oIcRJSat May 21 01:52:46 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

“And it is written that in the hours before the end, one man on Twitter will drink heavily and make snarky comments. about the #Rapture“Sat May 21 01:06:03 via webDoug Mataconis
dmataconis

Pray for cloudy weather tomorrow: if Jesus comes back and sees his shadow, it means six more weeks of Armageddon.Fri May 20 21:25:21 via webraindrift
raindrift

The end is near! I see a giant flaming ball in the western sky. I can’t remember seeing it before & know it’s coming to destroy us. REPENT!Sat May 21 01:33:09 via webJared Eborn
jaredeborn

Two hours left till it’s 6pm on #Rapture Day in the world’s easternmost time zone. Beat the rush, #REPENT now! Seems more genuine that way.Sat May 21 01:58:56 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Fellow East Coasters, remember, no #Rapture spoilers tomorrow for the folks out west.Sat May 21 01:59:15 via webAndy Levy
andylevy

#PANIC RT @dmataconis: The #Yankees lost to the #Mets. I’m beginning to thing this #Rapture thing is for real.Sat May 21 02:03:03 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

My watch just stopped. Is this it? IS THIS IT?!?!?!? #RaptureSat May 21 02:50:33 via ÜberSocialJeff Houck
JeffHouck

#PANIC RT @big_ben_clock: BONG BONG BONG BONG BONGSat May 21 04:01:35 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

So it is officially 6pm Saturday May 21st, 2011 in Kiritimati, Christmas Island, Kiribati. Any earthquakes yet???? Harold Camping #failSat May 21 04:00:22 via webMatt Horton
matthorton20

No sign of “super terrible” earthquakes on Christmas Island/Kiribati, where it is 6:01 p.m. SaturdaySat May 21 04:01:40 via webRon Lin, LA Times
ronlin

.@brendanloy the little Lord Jesus is obviously disrupting global information flow to allow us more time to choose of our own Free Will.Sat May 21 04:06:02 via webWeine Nohatel
weinernoth8r

It will start at Israel’s 1967 borders. #NewsMashup RT @krizoitz: @MariahWestwind @awguy79 …the rapture will totally start in JerusalemSat May 21 05:10:51 via webBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Small earthquake, preliminary 3.1 magnitude, rocks Hawaii, no inuries reported http://on.doi.gov/lJa8cGSat May 21 04:59:29 via breakingnews.comBreaking News
BreakingNews

Moderate 4.8-magnitude earthquake strikes near Solomon Islands, South Pacific http://on.doi.gov/mzlNvFSat May 21 05:06:27 via breakingnews.comBreaking News
BreakingNews

.@BreakingNews is totally reporting on minor earthquakes that it wouldn’t usually bother with, because of the #Rapture. LOL.Sat May 21 05:12:49 via webBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Not to be a #Rapture killjoy, but it’s really silly to get excited about earthquakes weaker than 6.0. http://on.doi.gov/mH5hR3 @BreakingNewsSat May 21 05:30:22 via webBrendan Loy
brendanloy

There are 3-4 earthquakes every day in the 5s somewhere on Earth, 30-40 in the 4s, and 300-400 in the 3s. #Rapture @BreakingNewsSat May 21 05:32:18 via webBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Heck, there’s an earthquake in the 6s every 2-3 days, and 1 or 2 every month in the 7s. Only 8+ quakes are rare. #Rapture @BreakingNewsSat May 21 05:34:29 via webBrendan Loy
brendanloy

It’s officially midnight on #Rapture Day here in Denver, and I’m going to bed. G’nite all.Sat May 21 06:00:20 via webBrendan Loy
brendanloy

I just woke up. Everybody still here? #RaptureSat May 21 12:43:10 via webBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Maybe it ended, and we’re all in Heaven, tweeting. (Or in Hell? #PANIC) RT @dmataconis: So, did the world end?Sat May 21 12:45:26 via webBrendan Loy
brendanloy

You say the #Rapture isn’t happening. I say, maybe Australia, New Zealand & Asia are composed entirely of sinners. Not hopeful for Europe.Sat May 21 12:56:26 via webBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Besides, if, like, one guy in Siberia got #Raptured, would we really know? #IfATreeAscendsInTheWoods…Sat May 21 12:57:12 via webBrendan Loy
brendanloy

When my spouse was gone when I woke up, I thought he’d been raptured….But it seems he just went to the 7/11 to get milk for my coffee.Sat May 21 12:52:15 via Twitter for BlackBerry®Christine Fair
CChristineFair

For RAPTURES happening during dinner hours or more than 4 Hours, a dinner will be provided, please note #RAPTCHICKEN #RAPTFISH or #RAPTVEGANSat May 21 13:10:21 via webRapture Tech Support
RaptureHelpDesk

For those of you asking for #RAPTKOSHER meals… that is funny, #IfYouGetMyDriftSat May 21 13:24:17 via webRapture Tech Support
RaptureHelpDesk

For all your POST-#RAPTURE coverage, we recommend you watch @FoxNews, don’t worry they will be fully staffed….Sat May 21 13:35:05 via webRapture Tech Support
RaptureHelpDesk

Rapture Would Trump Alernate-Side Parking, Mayor Bloomberg Says – http://nyti.ms/ja6RNzSat May 21 03:42:57 via TimesPeopleJim Roberts
nytjim

I have this urge to tweet, “Quoth the #Rapture: Nevermore.”Sat May 21 15:41:40 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Well, @krizoitz, it’s 6:45 PM in Jerusalem. I’ve heard no reports of flying naked Christians. Nor of velociraptor sightings. #RaptureSat May 21 15:46:49 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

@brendanloy Proof that God loves America and no place else? #velociRAPTURESat May 21 16:12:30 via Twitter for iPhoneDavid Kreutz
krizoitz

#Rapture RT @BreakingNews: Power outage at Minneapolis-St. Paul airport delays flights; cause of outage still unknown – http://bit.ly/iMMrD8Sat May 21 18:47:33 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Three hours till East Coast #Rapture. Five hours here. RT @big_ben_clock: BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONGSat May 21 19:02:06 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Or Irish. Or hungover. Or both. RT @questlove: *still checking watch* let this be the final proof that jesus is black. #LateAsHellApocalypseSat May 21 21:08:52 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

It’s just a little rain during BP. It’s not the end of the world…ohhhh http://moby.to/3pv5woSat May 21 21:06:44 via TwittelatorKeith Olbermann
KeithOlbermann

#RAPTURE RT @9newsdotcom: Scientists: Iceland’s Grimsvotn volcano erupting http://bit.ly/m5etGo #9NEWSSat May 21 21:10:14 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

One of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse called in sick today. Bad timing, pal.Sat May 21 21:24:08 via TwitBirdalmightygod
almightygod

Was anyone else raptured? So far it’s just me and a few guys I saw handing out leaflets in Times Square. And we totally have Wi-Fi!Sat May 21 22:05:03 via HootSuiteKevin Curran
KevinCurranX

IT’S ALMOST FLYING HORSE TIME!!!!! Let’s do this, God!!! #Preakness #RaptureSat May 21 21:50:40 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Are we still here?? RT @big_ben_clock: BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONGSat May 21 22:00:56 via EchofonAmelia
gadsdenista

We’re having a slight weapons malfunction on the Death Star. Please stand by.Sat May 21 22:04:55 via webEmperor Palpatine
LordPalpatine

The rapture has happened in Jersey City. Featuring @katiestars http://twitpic.com/50r3ooSat May 21 22:03:35 via EchofonStefanie Gordon
Stefmara

#Rapture hasn’t happened yet because God is waiting for the #Preakness to start. #FlyingHorsesSat May 21 22:19:44 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Shackleford won the Preakness! His jockey’s name was JESUS. That’s what they meant when they said he was coming back today.Sat May 21 22:30:27 via HTC PeepToffleresque
Toffleresque

No flying horses OR flying jockeys?!? That was bullcrap. #WorstRaptureEverSat May 21 22:25:22 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Oh, this is a superb Preakness headline. RT @hansonscott: @darrenrovell Animal Kingdom Left BehindSat May 21 22:34:58 via TweetDeckAndrew Bucholtz
AndrewBucholtz

Clearly, the East Coast is a bunch of heathens. Flyover Country FTW! Denver #Rapture in 1 hour 17 minutes.Sat May 21 22:44:06 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

TWO MINUTES TILL #RAPTURE TIME IN DENVER! #REPENT #ORNOTSat May 21 23:58:05 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Are you ready for some #Rapture?!? It’s a Saturday-night par-tay!! #1minuteleft #DenverRaptureSat May 21 23:59:13 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

It’s 6:00 PM in Denver. I note a distinct lack of flying naked Christians outside. #Rapture http://flic.kr/p/9KD9F7Sun May 22 00:00:40 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Yes, WHERE IS TEBOW?!? Report in, Tim!! Your status?? RT @ndtex: @brendanloy keep an eye on TebowSun May 22 00:01:21 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Date night with @MileHighBecky has commenced. Still no sign of #Rapture. West Coast up next, in 11 minutes, but c’mon. #heathensSun May 22 00:49:14 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

The last inhabited time zone on earth to hit 6pm on May 21, UTC-11 (including American Samoa), will do so in ten minutes. #RaptureFAILSun May 22 04:51:00 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

Great to meet Bono & learn more about @ONEcampaign last night @atU2 concert. I truly admire how he uses his platform http://ow.ly/i/bUWCSun May 22 16:01:12 via HootSuiteTim Tebow
TimTebow

It’s official: there was no #Rapture yesterday. Tim Tebow is still here. That settles it.Sun May 22 19:33:08 via EchofonBrendan Loy
brendanloy

4 thoughts on “Quoth the Rapture: Nevermore”

  4. Brendan Loy Post author

    Heh. I’m very proud that both the word “PANIC” and, now, the notion of the End of the World, make my friends think of me. 🙂

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